Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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