Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
