I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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