Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
