She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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