we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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