You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Girls should come with a carfax report
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
