I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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