YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
well I can't set my house on fire every night
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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