So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
