she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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