If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
