i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
