Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
