but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
