When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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