were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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