yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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