I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
