Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
