:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
