I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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