Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
