we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
