wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
