So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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