I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
