your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
