can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
