Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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