is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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