This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
