He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
