She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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