I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
