Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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