Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it was like eating out sand paper
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
