I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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