I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
