I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
