well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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