Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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