I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
