I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
