I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
