FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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