fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
