I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
