Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
