If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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