Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
