Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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