I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
