he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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