When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize