You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
