i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hippo gnu deer
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
