I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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