There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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