i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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