After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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