Your dad touched me again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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