Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
