honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
