I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
