oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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