My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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