I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
