just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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