It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
