your room smells of hookers.
And success
Non-Jews are for practice
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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