not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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