I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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