and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
