Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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