At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
