Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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