We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
