Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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