You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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