I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
