I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
